Pants 0. Shit 1.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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