If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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