Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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