I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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