do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
