I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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