I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
