don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
