Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
