I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
