There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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