im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
