Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize