So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
