I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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