A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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