I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
