i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
