she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
