I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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