i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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