Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think people are normalizing furries
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
