Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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