Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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