The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
