Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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