he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
being pregnant is like rehab
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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