I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
