Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I looked at my own cervix.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
