my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
