Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
