I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
