just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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