Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
