I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
