at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
