Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
