So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Boobs speak an international language.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
