I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
