apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
