sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
