I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
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