i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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