just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Boobs are out for the taking
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
