The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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