im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
