How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
