Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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