Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
