He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
