He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
