So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Randomize
