just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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