I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
