Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
