I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
