thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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