you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
