The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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