Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We need to get me chipped asap
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
