dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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