so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
