I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
North Korea, Best Korea!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
