Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
