fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
