your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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