I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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