i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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