Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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We're not piercing ourselves today.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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