Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
