Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
