Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
