I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
