Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
