I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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