is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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