don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
