your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
