i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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