My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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