How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
