This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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