Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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